Unwelcome Sound

I am currently writing an e-mail to B.
I need to clear the air with her, and the longer I don't hear from her, the thicker and muddier the air is becoming.
Writing down the mess that's in my head just isn't happening, I simply cannot put any of it into words. I've spent ages typing word after heartfelt word, only to read it back and see it as meaningless.
And whilst I felt strong in regards to her, like I could hold my own, I find myself reverting back to that pathetic puppy dog that is desperate for her attention. I don't know why I get like that with her, it's not like I need to be. Well, not then anyway.

I haven't sent it, I haven't even finished it yet, but I am already nervous about her reply [or, of course, her lack of reply].

What I want most is for us to meet up over a coffee [or six] and properly talk everything out. In theory. In reality, I'd be a nervous wreck, spill my coffee everywhere, not be able to speak my mind and just pretend it was all okay.

But, none of it's okay!