Using my self-restraint.

Place: My bed.
Listening to: Camp Out by An Horse.

It's Saturday!
I just woke up [2:30pm], and I'm going to go get a shower once I've finished this.
Then I have to get all my things together for tonight [partypartyparty] and for staying over at R's house. I have half a bottle of wine and a half bottle of Cherry Lambrini here, and I am going to stop at an off licence on the way to stock up more.
Tonight is going to be good.

Last night I watched Girl, Interrupted [I know, I watched a whole film!] and drank white wine, and it was so nice. Felt like I had never done something so... 'ordinary'.
My mum was talking to me last night when we were driving back from the town [before the movie and wine], thankfully I was driving so I could pretend I was concentrating on the road. She was trying [in vain] to get me to talk about 'that period' when I was in my late teens. Without going into detail, those were the dark years. She said something about how I was 'sad' then, and she thinks I still am. I just mumbled something about what did she expect when we've lived here more than two years and I still don't have a single friend here. She dropped it, or maybe I changed the subject, I can't remember, but I was sure-as-hell relieved she wasn't pushing it this time.
Aside from that, I was in a really good mood last night, and decided to mentally list 'Happy Things' that I am thankful for, and that keep me positive. Of course, not writing them down was a mistake - I have now forgotten them all.

A few nights ago I was talking online to a friend I was very close to in school, but since I moved and she started uni across the water, we've drifted apart. But, she knows about most of the B situation. She said that she thought the ball was in my court, and B is probably too scared to talk to me first in case I freak out and tell her I'm not ready to talk, or don't want to know her. I am now very unsure as to what to do. I mean, it was B who said she wanted to be friends. But, thinking back... I never said I wanted that too. I was close to sending her an e-mail on Thursday night after I saw everything in a different light, but then decided not to. I slept on it [twice now], and still want to send an e-mail, but I'm going to wait until tomorrow, because I didn't want her reply [or more likely, her lack of it] to ruin my night out tonight. I'd spend the entire evening wondering if she had replied, or dwelling on a reply she had sent. It's too much of a gamble. It could make my night complete and happy, or it could ruin it and have me depressed and emotional the whole night.
I have never used such self-restraint with her before. In the past, I would have sent the e-mail, ten texts, tried to talk to her on MSN, got other people to talk to her for me and written her a letter, within the first week. I am in a constant battle against these things, and the chances of me sending her a drunken text tonight are quite high, but I am going to try not to, I'll try and remember how long I've held out so far.

Wow, I started this thinking I had nothing really to say, and look, I've just taken up ten minutes of your time. I apologise.
Unwelcome Sound xx