A change.

I haven't seen L since we broke up.
Since before it, actually.
Since Wednesday, August 5th.

In the first couple of weeks after she split with me, my resolve was incredibly high. I was determined to be positive and look to the future, and not let myself flounder like I had done so many times previously.

Even when she texted while on holiday to say she'd made a huge mistake and basically implied she wanted to get back together, I was determined not to back down. I genuinely didn't want to.

This week has been different.

I've been thinking about her so much.
Regardless of everything, of every reason I've listed in my head as to why we were never a good match, of all the ways she didn't treat me well, of all the times I felt inadequate... I miss her.

I haven't heard from her since she got back on Tuesday, maybe she discovered I'd removed her from my Facebook and Twitter (not to be malicious or bitchy, purely because I couldn't put myself through seeing her updates all the time).

On Monday night I was in my old hometown (where L lives) for my best friend's birthday, and I met two of L's friends on separate occasions. It was really good to see them both, but I've come to the conclusion that this is the reason I am feeling so unsteady now.

My head really hurts right now, and I am just so glad it is the weekend, I don't think I could actually get out of bed early tomorrow (well, today actually, just glanced at the clock).

I just don't know what to do. This post is a complete mess. I feel like I'm letting myself down by even considering any of this.

Two weeks until I leave for uni.