A lot of catching up to do.

So, the last time I posted, J was going to meet my parents.  It went really well, I was so so happy.  They have met a few more times since July, and J is coming over to spend New Year with my family.  I honestly never thought this would happen, not in a million years.

Things with my older brother still aren't great.  He has apologised again since sending that vicious email, and says he is ashamed of himself... yet his views haven't changed.  I think I find it easier to put it to the back of my mind because he is still living abroad, and won't be home until Autumn 2012 (and I'm not sure where I'll be living by then.  Hopefully far away.)

I think the biggest issue plaguing my mind currently is that I want to share my life with J, but my parents aren't keen to tell my extended family, or their friends/neighbours.  I have no idea how this will play out.  However, I am proud of my mum, because she told one of her friends (who is also the minister's wife), and this friend sent me an email saying some lovely things, including "I love you as though you were my own daughter and I will be fiercely protective of you."  It was wonderful to hear that.  I know it was not easy for my mum to tell her friend.

Baby steps, my friends, baby steps.

Belfast Pride

Happy Pride to everyone in Belfast today. I wish so much I could be there as an 'out' person for the first time.

Too much.

So, a lot has happened.
Too much to detail here.

Positive:
When I was at my parents' house in April I told them about J, and after a shaky start (Mum said "I just think of her as your friend"), my parents are doing really well.  Much better than I'd ever hoped actually, because next month they are meeting J!

Not so positive:
Last week I received an email from my older brother (who hasn't known I'm gay for long. He waited about four days before sending the email) criticising and damning me for five pages.  It was horrific, truly truly horrific, and I was upset for a long time.  He quoted Bible verses (like I don't know what they say already?) and made it very clear that he would never support this 'life that I have chosen'.
He had actually sent a copy of the email to my dad, who showed it to my mum and older sister.  They actually all read it before I did, as I was away for the weekend with no Internet connection.  They talked about it, and decided that my dad needed to talk to him about it.  So Dad replied to him and told him it wasn't acceptable.  However, the damage was done, and I still feel sick when I think about it.
My brother has since emailed me to apologise for being so harsh... but has made it clear that his feelings remain unchanged.

Anyway, I'm trying to focus on the good things, and I'm very grateful for the members of my family who are being supportive and want to meet my girlfriend.  When I think back to all the drama of my previous relationships, what I have with J is so fantastically uncomplicated and real :)

Going home.

I head 'home' (Northern Ireland) next week for a week or two, and I am pretty nervous about this because it will be the first time I see my parents since I 'came out'.  I'm sure it will be okay, but I'm dreading the inevitable initial awkward "so... should we talk about this?"

They don't know about J yet, even though it's been over five months.  I will tell them when I'm home, I am sure of it...

Guess who is no longer in the closet....

... me!

The kind of girl she is.

I was having a horrible day, struggling with an essay big time

I opened my front door and found this propped up against the door frame...

 

J.

What can I say?
My life is rather different now than it was two months ago.

J and I are officially together now after a brief period of 'dating' and basically acting like a couple anyway.

I never saw it coming at all but I'm pretty glad it did :)