Covered by Uh Huh Her.

Would I fall under that spell again?
I don't think so anymore, but I don't know what's written.
I'll be there anyway... call it love I guess, hotter than the sun.
You can appreciate that.

A very disjointed entry.

I'm finding it really hard to concentrate these past few days.
I have a lot of work to do and I just can't seem to get it done, then before I know it, it's due and I have a panic and rush it.  Then I get annoyed at myself for my work being substandard, and swear to do it in plenty of time the next time.  But this is the next time, and I'm not doing it in plenty of time!

I don't know what's wrong with me.

For one of my modules we are required to keep a daily journal, writing between 350-400 words each day, and I'm hating it.  Yes, I love blogging, and I keep a personal journal, but this one for uni is being forced and I don't enjoy it at all.  I only update my blog or personal journal when I feel I have something to say, or need to vent, or whatever.

I'm loving life in general here, though.
A few friends back home keep asking if I've met any 'nice girls' yet, obviously assuming that because I am in a new city there will be hundreds of girls at my disposal.  I have met none!

L has been texting, in particular last night.  She phoned numerous times and I just ignored the calls.
It's the same stuff, "I miss you. Breaking up with you was the biggest mistake I ever made. My friends all told me not to but I did it anyway, and now I regret it every single second of every day. I wish you were in the same country as me right now so I could talk to you in person. That day we met in Starbucks I had a list of things I wanted to say to you but I didn't." etc.
Well excuse me, but I begged her to meet up time and time again during the break-up, and she refused.  Even if we were in the same country, I wouldn't be meeting her.  This was always a big problem for me; she would never talk about issues, and in the end it broke us up.

I haven't heard from B in about a week and a half.  I'm not even surprised.

Despite what I said at the start of this entry about having no concentration, I need a distraction!  Not a distraction from my uni work, but one from all this other shit.  And by distraction, I mean a girl.  Preferably one who won't fuck me around?

I'm going to have a hot shower and then try again to do some work.

Ten more random things about me.

Some of these could be similar to those of my last 'Ten Random Things'; there really aren't that many interesting things about me. So why am I even doing this?

1. I scratch my legs so badly that they bleed.
2. I am a bit of a Grammar Nazi.
3. As much as I am loving my course, I worry that I am not good enough to be here.
4. I think too much, and too deeply into everything. Constantly.
5. I could eat Chicken Caesar Salad all day, every day.
6. I work best late at night; my mind takes a long time to warm up.
7. Nothing seems quite so bad after a big mug of good coffee.
8. When L broke up with me in August, I decided to change some things about myself, and have since lost more than a stone. Although I still have a long way to go, it feels good!
9. My idea of a perfect evening is to lock my door, close my curtains, put my pyjamas on, make a mug of something hot, lie on my bed and read a book. (Sadly, this doesn't happen very often, and when it does, I always wish I had someone lying there with me.)
10. I ate half a kilo of grapes while typing this.

22.

It's my birthday.
It does not feel like a full year since I posted an entry about turning twenty-one.

I've come more than full circle in a year.

Let's hope this year is completely different to the last one, eh?

I'm a mess.

I'm doing really well.
But I'm also a mess.
I don't care if those are two conflicting statements, they are both true.

I'm just back in from a night out, I'm eating a cold McChicken Sandwich, I'm listening to Uh Huh Her, I'm in my pyjamas but I don't recall putting them on.

On the wonderful updater-of-other-people's-lives, also known as Facebook, I discovered that B is 'in a relationship'.
I am a bit gutted.
A lot gutted?

It's okay, you don't need to be mad at me for feeling this way.
I'm mad at myself.

B and L, of course.

Over the last few weeks, B and I have been texting a lot.
Maybe I should have nipped it in the bud when I realised where things were going, but I couldn't help myself.
I know I could so easily fall for her again, maybe I already am.
I know I am on dangerous ground here.
I don't want to get into anything, especially as we are both starting new lives in a new country. I know this is an excellent opportunity to start afresh, but I'm too scared to jump in with both feet. One foot in the past is safe, secure, a back up...

As for L, she has been texting a good bit too. I've been replying, but out of courtesy mainly.
She sent several messages in quick succession a few nights ago, clearly drunk. I have deleted them, but they were along the lines of 'I miss you so much. I wish I had never fucked up. I wish we were still together'.
I definitely do not feel anything for her anymore.

As for girls here at uni, there are a few I have noticed, but I haven't spoken to any of them. I don't actually know any gay people here (yet).
I signed up for the LGBT society; not sure what that will entail, and I may or may not attend, we'll see. It would help if I knew just one other person going.